Recurring in-jokes in Private Eye

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The fortnightly British satirical magazine Private Eye has long had a reputation for using euphemistic and irreverent substitute names and titles for persons, groups and organisations and has coined a number of euphemistic expressions to describe various aspects of human activity (sex, drugs, drink, etc.). Over the years these names and expressions have become "in-jokes", the magazine uses them frequently without explanation, and assumes that the reader knows what is being written about: indeed some of these have passed into general usage beyond the magazine and other media.

[edit] Euphemistic expressions

• "Ugandan discussions", or a variation thereof, is often used as a euphemism for illicit sex, usually while carrying out a supposedly official duty. The term originally refers to an incident at a party hosted by journalist Neal Ascherson and his first wife, at which fellow journalist Mary Kenny had a "meaningful confrontation" with a former cabinet minister in the government of Milton Obote, later alleging that they were "upstairs discussing Uganda". The poet James Fenton apparently coined the term.^[1] The saying is often wrongly attributed to the antics of a female Cabinet minister in Idi Amin's government, who was caught having sex in a public lavatory at Heathrow Airport. The euphemism is spread further, for example, before his marriage a senior member of the Royal family allegedly went on holiday with an ageing ex-Page Three girl, whereupon Private Eye reported he had contracted a "Ugandan virus". In 1996, "Getting Back to Basics" was suggested as a replacement euphemism after the notoriously hypocritical policy of the same name adopted by John Major's government.
• "Exotic cheroot" is used as a euphemism for a "joint", "spliff" or other cigarette containing cannabis.
• "Tired and emotional" was a phrase used to describe 1960s Labour party Cabinet Minister and Deputy Leader George Brown, who allegedly had a drink problem. It first appeared in a parody memo printed in the magazine supposedly informing civil servants how to describe Mr Brown's conduct and state of mind. Due to the near-impossibility of proving intoxication without forensic evidence, journalists came to use the phrase as a way of describing drunkenness without inviting libel charges. However, the phrase itself has now entered common parlance. In 1957 a trio of Labour politicians, Aneurin Bevan, Morgan Phillips and Richard Crossman, successfully sued The Spectator over just such an allegation, which Crossman admitted in his diary was true of one of the three.^[2] The phrase was allegedly first used by a BBC press officer of Brown in November 1963, as a description of his condition on a programme commemorating John F. Kennedy, which the magazine subsequently borrowed.^[3] However, doubt must be cast on this claim because the programme on which Brown appeared was not broadcast by the BBC but by Associated-Rediffusion.^{[citation needed]}
• ''Arkell v. Pressdram'' is a swift rebuttal of an allegation or accusation made without merit.
• "Trebles all round!" is a euphemism implying that super-rich tycoons lavishly celebrate the sorts of business deals, routinely reported by the magazine, which involve an implied aspect of corruption and lack of sensitivity for the well-being of anyone else. The phrase is a standard conclusion to stories reporting deals having been struck involving large sums of money, or where a responsible person or organisation has avoided the consequences of serious negligence or malfeasance.
• (Takes out onion) is a stage-direction inserted into articles when someone is allegedly faking sorrow, and is usually used to denote hypocrisy. The expression originally came about following the satirical puppet show Spitting Image and its depiction of Esther Rantzen, whose puppet was always seen holding an onion under its nose.

[edit] Stereotypical and exaggerated personifications of people and organisations

• Sir Herbert Gussett is a fictional character who contributes parody letters to the press, principally The Times, the Daily Telegraph and the Daily Express. These are totally fictitious, and representative of the out-of-touch and reactionary "Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells" style of newspaper correspondence. Sir Herbert's address varies: in the early 1980s, for example, it was the alleged village of Lymeswold, but can variously be a made-up place claimed to be in Wiltshire, Dorset or Oxfordshire. Sometimes the name of the place reflects the content of the letter; for example, when writing on cricket (as he often does) he may live in the Dorset village of Arlott St. John, a reference to John Arlott. On many occasions, he will write from the saloon bar of the Lamb and Flag public house (which has real-life counterparts in Oxford and Covent Garden). It was once a popular joke among holidaying readers to send letters to English-language newspapers in their host country, which were allegedly from Sir Herbert Gussett. These would typically bemoan or praise the country in relation to a recent visit allegedly made by Sir Herbert. The reader would await publication, clip the printed letter, and send it straight to Private Eye, which usually printed them for 'the usual fiver'. This practice has died out somewhat in recent years.^{[citation needed]}
• Sir Bufton Tufton was a caricature of the old-fashioned Tory MPs who abounded on the back-benches through the Thatcher era and up to the 1997 UK General Election. Though the character's name was inspired by the unusual name of Sir Tufton Beamish, his out-of-touch attitudes and opinions were more similar to those of Sir Gerald Nabarro, Sir Patrick Wall, Sir Marcus Fox, Harvey Proctor and other members of the Monday Club. Sir Bufton's constituency was usually the fictitious safe rural seat of Lymeswold, though this was subject to topical change, but his greediness, laziness, bigotry and incompetence remained constant. He was only pictured once, when the magazine used a photo of a real-life Tory MP, which drew an immediate letter from the innocent victim.
• Mike Giggler, an e-mail correspondent to newspaper letters pages, usually appearing at the bottom of the page having sent in a particularly unfunny pun.
• Lord Gnome is purported to be the proprietor of the magazine, and is an amalgamation of various different media magnates. Originally modelled on figures including Lord Beaverbrook and Lord Thomson of Fleet, first appearing under the name "Aristides P. Gnome" in the early 1960s, Lord Gnome has accumulated other characteristics over time to encompass the likes of Rupert Murdoch. He is portrayed in the magazine as a man of great wealth, greed, unscrupulousness and vulgarity. Lord Gnome rarely writes under his own name, but issues his proclamations, editorials and threats through a fictional underling named Emmanuel Strobes, with reference frequently made to his Lordship's "assistant", Miss Rita Chevrolet. Lord Gnome, as well as a media magnate, is regularly referred to as having other business ventures, frequently mentioned in his opening letter in each issue. Special offers from "Gnomemart" frequently appear in the magazine, which also carries an occasional column called "The curse of Gnome", chronicling the subsequent misfortunes of those who have in the past taken legal action against the publication. In 1993, during the first and only televised ceremony for Private Eye's annual Bore of the Year Awards ("the Boftys"), Lord Gnome (played by Peter Cook) made a brief appearance on a satellite hook-up from his yacht, appearing to fall overboard during the broadcast, in a parody of Robert Maxwell's death. Use of the word Gnome in Lord Gnome's name is a possible reference to the Gnomes of Zurich.
• Inspector Knacker of the Yard is the magazine's fictitious police officer. References to and quotations from the police, both real and fictional, are attributed to "Inspector Knacker of the Yard". This is a reference to castration ("knackers" is a slang term for testicles in some parts of the UK), the perception of policemen as out-of-touch and unfit for purpose (as in knackers' yards, where old horses are sent to be put down and disposed of), and also to policemen in British crime fiction of a certain era, often known as "x of the Yard". The inspiration was Jack Slipper, the former senior Metropolitan Police officer responsible for the arrest of the Great Train Robbery gang in 1963, who was given the moniker "Slipper of the Yard" by the popular press.
• Mr Justice Cocklecarrot usually presides over court cases both real and fictional. The character originates from the Beachcomber column of the Daily Express. High Court judges are called "Mr Justice Surname" and referred to in Law Reports as Surname J. They have a reputation for being "unworldly" and lacking knowledge of contemporary "lifestyle" issues and popular culture^[4]. The magazine revived the name "Cocklecarrot", giving it a wider and contemporary relevance, due to its similarity to the name of Mr Justice Popplewell, who, in a famous case involving the athlete Linford Christie, posed the question "What's Linford's lunchbox?", a reference to frequent comments in the popular press (the central issue in the case) about Christie's prominent genitalia and lycra shorts. Reports of this caused great hilarity and mirth in the popular media and elsewhere.^[5]
• Sue, Grabbitt and Runne is a fictitious firm of solicitors traditionally retained by persons to engage in lawsuits both real and fictional. These are often frivolous, pointless, cynical or without foundation (see Arkell v Pressdram - above) but not always. Danny La Rue, a well-known female impersonator, responded to being featured on the front cover in a photograph taken at the Royal Variety Performance of him with Liberace, who was ballooned as saying "I think your English queens are wonderful", by threatening to "go to the family solicitors, Rue, Grabbit and Son" (he was aggrieved at the implication that he was a homosexual). In more serious cases, Private Eye often cites "Carter-Fuck", a derogatory reference to the late solicitor Peter Carter-Ruck, who had the reputation of taking on defamation cases at great expense to client plaintiffs and defendants and claiming particularly high damages, regardless of the gravity of the case.
• St Cake's School is an imaginary public school, run by a Mr R.J. Kipling (BA, Leicester). The headmaster's name is part of the joke regarding the name "St Cakes", in reference to Mr Kipling cakes. Articles featuring the school parody both the "Court and Social" columns of The Times and The Daily Telegraph, and the traditions and customs of the public school system. The school's motto is Quis paget entrat (Who pays gets in), though variations on this arise from time to time, such as when the school decided to only admit the daughters of very rich Asian businessmen, and the motto became All praise to the prophet, and death to the infidel. While the school's newsletters feature extraordinary and unlikely results and prizes, events such as speech days, founder's days, term dates and feast days are announced with topical themes, such as underage drinking, drug abuse, obesity, celebrity culture, antisocial behaviour and cheating in exams. The school is sometimes referred to as "the Eton of the West Midlands", the joke being that the West Midlands are not regarded as a place where such a school is likely to be located, though there are public boarding schools in the area in real life, such as Rugby School.
• Neasden is an inner London suburb on the North Circular Road in Brent which is the location of various parody institutions, and is often given as the origin of fictional letters. The magazine was initially printed in Neasden before being turned away by the printers, which might explain the origins of this joke, though in 1971, Richard Ingrams said simply that Neasden was used "to denote the contemporary urban environment".^{[cite this quote]} Stories from the world of football are satirised in "reports" by E.I. Addio (the reference is to terrace chanting by fans) about the mythical and notoriously underperforming club Neasden F.C., with quotes from its manager "tight-lipped ashen-faced supremo Ron Knee, aged 59" and "the fans" (implying there were only two) Sid and Doris Bonkers. Sid and Doris Hill are also occasionally given as the two fans' names, a pun on the suburb of Dollis Hill, which is near to Neasden. The club's recent misfortunes lampooned the recent tribulations of major clubs in the national news. Often, underneath a spoof sports story, the sub-column "late result" would appear, reporting on a match recently played by Neasden. This normally involved a humorously unlikely team, often one related to current affairs, such as Taleban FC. Neasden nearly always lose by a huge margin, often owing to own goals scored by veteran player "Baldy" Pevsner.

[edit] Deliberate word-plays and misnaming of individuals and organisations

This is a celebrated feature of the magazine, which started as a ploy to avoid suits for defamation, for example, Prime Minister Harold Wilson was always named as "Wislon", Sir James Goldsmith, a frequent and vindictive litigant of the magazine was called "Sir Jams Fishpaste" and other similar names. It is also a ploy to annoy, for example Ian Paisley is never called "Doctor" or "The Reverend" or Mohammad Fayed "Al" on the grounds that these are pretentiously self-bestowed affectations, and Andrew Neil is always spelt "Neill" (a common alternative spelling), and Piers Morgan is always "Moron" because it causes them a disproportionate degree of annoyance. The practice has become a magazine tradition, regardless of whether it serves the purpose of avoiding lawsuits. Every organisation mentioned in Private Eye is usually subjected to word plays on its name, especially when the magazine considers some aspect of its activities to be objectionable.

• Capita, a long-term favourite target of Private Eye, is frequently called "Crapita" and "the world's worst outsourcing firm".
• The Serious Fraud Office is often the Serious Farce Office.
• The Department of Trade and Industry was often the "Department of Timidity and Inaction".
• The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs is usually called the "Department for the Elimination/Eradication of Farming and Rural Affairs" in the Down on the Farm column and elsewhere in the magazine, while its acronym DEFRA is usually spelt DEFRO (Death Row), and its former long-term minister Margaret Beckett is still called Rosa Klebb after the female baddie in the James Bond film From Russia With Love to whom she bears a supposed resemblance.
• First Group is usually known as "Worst Group" in the Signal Failures column.
• The Guardian newspaper is nearly always referred to as "The Grauniad", in reference to the paper's reputation for typographical errors and mistakes.
• The Financial Services Authority is invariably referred to as "The Fundamentally Supine Authority" in reference to its reluctance to act and its seemingly chummy relationship with the industry it is supposed to regulate, often contrasting its performance with the swift and draconian methods of its United States counterparts.

[edit] Subtle jibes aimed at specific individuals

A photograph of Andrew Neil which has appeared in many issues of Private Eye since its first appearance in 1994, usually on the flimsiest pretense

• At one point the magazine printed many letters from a reader named "Ena B Maxwell", of "Headington Hall, Oxfordshire", the real-life address of Robert Maxwell. The letters were written by the Private Eye editorial team, and the pseudonym was attached to suggest that he was writing to the magazine under an assumed identity. Naturally, these letters were careful not to make any legally-actionable claims, but instead contained material that was simply silly and impertinent, just to annoy Maxwell.
• A photograph of journalist, broadcaster and publisher Andrew Neil (nicknamed "Brillo Pad" by the magazine on account of his tightly-curling hair) was printed in many consecutive editions and is still printed regularly (as of April 2008). It shows Neil dressed in a vest with baseball cap and embracing an attractive young South Asian woman. On the photograph's initial printing, it was learned that Neil found the photograph embarrassing, and the magazine subsequently printed it whenever possible. The woman in the photo was initially assumed to be Pamella Bordes, a former beauty queen with whom Neil had had a relationship, but was eventually revealed to be an American woman Neil was briefly involved with while in the United States.^[6] The image still appears regularly in the magazine, usually in the Letters section, where a reader will describe current events via a euphemistic reference to the image in an appeal to the magazine to print it. For example, during an outbreak of Asian bird flu, it was suggested that the Eye show an image showing "correct procedure for handling an Asian bird". On another occasion, a reader, discussing the idea that the Eye needed to become more accessible to young people, asked for an example of a "juxtaposition of the old and the young brought together in reasonably harmonious union". In response, Neil has described the gag as an example of "public school racism"^[6] on the part of the Eye's editorial staff, which he finds "fascinating". In addition to the photography, the Eye also frequently refers to Neil as "Neill", because it annoys him.^{[citation needed]}
• The photograph has since seen a sequel, a colour image depicting Liberal Democrat MP Lembit Öpik in an intimate clinch with Gabriela Irimia of the pop group The Cheeky Girls, which usually accompanies a similar euphemistic reference in the Letters page to a news story with a vaguely Anglo-Romanian or Eastern European angle.
• "(Shome mishtake, shurely? Ed)" is a frequent comment supposedly scribbled into the copy by the editor and mistakenly printed as part of the article. The slurred 's'-sounds refer both to drunkenness, which Private Eye has for a long time associated pejoratively with journalists, and the distinctive speech patterns of Bill Deedes (who became Lord Deedes, but was known within the magazine as "Shir Bill Deedesh"), former editor of The Daily Telegraph and the eponymous 'Bill' of the Dear Bill letters. As an editor, Deedes was known for his complete lack of knowledge of contemporary slang and culture. Other stock comments from the Ed include:
  • You've already done this
  • Get on with it
  • We've just had this
  • Who he?
  • Oh no you don't
  • What that?
  • Excellent stuff, keep going
  • That's enough [X] (where [X] is the subject or person under discussion)
  • Is this right?
  • You're fired

Columns written by the Eye's fictitious columnists, for example Glenda Slagg, frequently contain many such editorial marks, ranging from messages of disapproval and requests for improvement to eventual sacking ('you're fired').

[edit] Spurious surrealism

Towards the end of each issue, the magazine contains increasingly surreal jokes, references and parodies. Many of these have developed over time, and are thus now very familiar to long-term readers.

• The magazine itself is frequently referred to as an "organ", providing endless possibilities for sexual innuendo.
• Grapefruit segments – once an infuriatingly-pervasive and out-of-place component of lists (such as features on new cars, etc), now seldom seen.
• Australian appears as a colour option on various spoof ads as in "Available in Blue, Black or Australian".
• The Sizzler – an alleged fried breakfast for sale at extortionate prices on any train journey mentioned. At the first mention of The Sizzler, the article in which it appeared would be sidelined into a recital of the glories and deliciousness of said item.
• The Grand Old Duke of York, based on a children's nursery rhyme, is used to parody current military news, such as cut backs or scandals. For example, reports may appear that the Duke's 10,000 men are being reduced to 100 and they won't be marching up any hills because they don't have any boots.
• Bulleted lists are usually shorter than stated and include two final entries of "Er..." and "That's it".
• The number 94 is used as a generic boringly large number, e.g. "the awards ceremony, in its 94th year", or the reader may be referred to volume 94 of some highly obscure (and non-existent) reference work. Spoof newspaper articles are typically ended mid-sentence with "(continued page 94)" to indicate that some activity (or a long-winded person's boring speech) is going on and on. The latter may be shortened to 'cont. page 94', particularly used after the names of those disliked by Private Eye (e.g. "said Jeffrey Archer (cont. page 94)"). No issue of Private Eye has ever run to anywhere near 94 pages. Spoof transcripts of radio broadcasts may end with "(continued 94 MHz)". It is believed^[who?] that the reference "94" was originally to Haydn's Symphony 94, the "Surprise" and made by Richard Ingrams, a known music-lover and brother of Leonard Ingrams, founder of Garsington Opera.^{[citation needed]}
• Phil Space is a fictional journalist. He usually 'writes' articles mainly to fill space on the page, hence his name (and similarly Phil Pages, Phil Airtime [a radio news correspondent], Philippa Column etc.). The articles are rarely informative or useful and are often completely irrelevant. A supposed continental counterpart, Monsieur Phil Espace, is sometimes mentioned when the story has an international background. Polly Filler is Phil's female counterpart.

[edit] See also

• List of people and organisations frequently parodied by Private Eye

[edit] References

1. ^ Brewer's Dictionary of Modern Phrase and Fable (2000)
2. ^ From squiffy to blotto, a lexicon of lushes - Times Online
3. ^ Brewer's Politics (1995)
4. ^ Rap is a foreign language, rules rueful judge The Times 6 June 2003
5. ^ Legal legend and the 'lunchbox' question The Times 20 May 2003
6. ^ ^{a b} Riddell, Mary. Non-stop Neil, at home alone. British Journalism Review. Retrieved on 2006-03-14.