Captain Janks
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| Thomas Cipriano | |
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| Other names | Captain Janks |
|---|---|
| Known for | Prank calls |
Thomas Cipriano, better known on The Howard Stern Show as Captain Janks, is known for prank calling live radio and television programs, especially during breaking news events and crises. Cipriano takes his nickname from the rank and name of his commanding officer in the U.S. Army. He first appeared when Howard began syndicating to Philadelphia, when he would call Stern's competition, local morning man John DeBella. Janks would send in tapes to the Stern Show of him taunting DeBella about his baldness, among other comments. Janks is considered a Wack Packer.
Janks has been pranking newscasts for over 15 years, yet is still able to get on the air. Janks explains that he's called newsrooms, given a fake name and position, and provided a call-back number with an illogical area code, and yet the newsroom has still called him back when they're ready to put him on the air. For example, in the Amtrak derailment call documented in the transcript below, had the program asked him to provide a call-back number, they might have been suspicious of a Maryland police official having a Pennsylvania area code. Sometimes the programs neglect to even ask for a call-back number, making it even easier for Janks to get on the air.
Cipriano dated the ex-wife of Philadelphia disc jockey John DeBella shortly before her suicide [1]. Cipriano currently works as an attendant at a gasoline station in North Wales, Pennsylvania.
According to Howard 100 News reporter Steve Langford, Captain Janks knows more about journalism than anybody else, and should teach journalism professionally.
[edit] Famous Prank Calls
- Janks called Chris Matthews in 2003 during the height of the Iraq War during a battle to take over Saddam International Airport. He said the Iraqi people were asking for tapes of The Howard Stern Show. Janks created the effect of calling from around the world by pausing before answering questions and he held the phone close to a radio that was tuned to static.
- Janks claimed to be Coast Guard Lt. Ed Gaynor upon the disappearance of John Kennedy Jr.'s plane, fooling MSNBC's Soledad O'Brien. Janks told her that Howard Stern "thinks you're a whore". Janks, posing as Gaynor, also hit CBS telling Dan Rather that debris from a Piper Saratoga had been found and that they also found "Baba Booey's teeth" and that Howard Stern was there. Rather completely missed the Howard Stern reference and continued to treat Janks as a legitimate caller until producers cut him off; even then, Rather didn't acknowledge that Janks may have been a prank caller until Bob Orr told him on air that it was a "prankster" (and after all that the most Rather would concede was that there was "fairly strong reason" to believe that Janks was a crank caller). Janks also got on ABC, again as Gaynor, and asked Peter Jennings if he knew that "Howard Stern thinks you're a dick."
- During coverage of the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster on February 1, 2003, Janks called into live MSNBC coverage of the crash claiming to be NASA Spokesperson John Ira Petty. When asked about the disaster, he said "it appears to have uhm...exploded been shot down by Jackie Martling when he thought Howard Stern was on board."
- Also during coverage of the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster on February 1, 2003, Janks fooled CBS anchors Dan Rather and Russ Mitchell by saying he was a resident of Texas and that he had found debris the size of the teeth of Baba Booey (The Howard Stern Show producer). Despite Mitchell stating that the caller was a prank, Rather didn't immediately realize it was a prank call until Janks asked "You know you're an idiot, Dan?", at which point he was cut off. In Rather's response, he conceded that "I am an idiot, but that's beside the point" and offered an "abject apology" to the viewers for the call.
- Shortly after the death of Bob Hope, Janks called CNN impersonating comedy writer Gene Perret, and said that Hope "died choking on Howard Stern's ballsack."
- Janks impersonated then-Philadelphia mayor Ed Rendell when pranking Rosie O'Donnell the day her show, The Rosie O'Donnell Show, debuted in that city stating "Howard Stern says you're a fat pig, you know that?" and calling O'Donnell a "fat pig" twice more before being disconnected. Since the broadcast was live, the remarks could not be edited from the show.
- Janks pranked Dan Rather again by imitating CBS News general assignment reporter Jim Axelrod, who was embedded with the 3rd Infantry Division following the start of Operation Iraqi Freedom -- the report was actually broadcast on a bottom-screen scroll until it was discovered to be a prank and removed.
- During coverage of the 2003 North American blackout, Janks posed as a city worker and asked CNN's Carol Costello "Would you bang Howard Stern?"
- During a news story on Iraq, Janks again called CNN, posing as Brigadier General Mark Hurtland. He asked anchor Daryn Kagan, "Would you bang Howard Stern?"
- During coverage of a brush fire in San Diego, Janks posed as Mayor Dick Murphy, stating to Daryn Kagan of CNN that three people were in custody in connection with the fires and that they were "caused by a blast of wind from Howard Stern's asshole."
- During coverage of Hurricane Charley, Janks called CNN posing as Gary Vickers, an official with the Florida State Emergency Center, and said there had been evacuations from Fort Myers all the way to Manatee County. He urged people to evacuate and not wait it out as Charley was a Category 4 hurricane and "a blast of wind from Howard Stern's ass."
- During coverage of the Columbine disaster in Littleton, Colorado, Janks called KUSA-TV, in Denver, posing as a hospital spokeswoman. Janks said, "So far it is 18 people that are critically injured. We don't know much more past that. We do know one thing; the gunman was Howard Stern. He was shooting up the whole school. It was ridiculous. He was angry because no one was watching his Saturday night television show."[citation needed]
- Janks called into ESPN posing as Steve Bartman, the Chicago Cubs fan infamous for the foul ball he caught that possibly cost the Cubs a trip to the World Series. Janks asked Dan Patrick "Do you like Howard Stern's butt cheese?"[2]
- Janks called into Wolf Blitzer's The Situation Room on CNN on August 23, 2006, claiming to be Wendy Hutchens, and said that she had chatted about the death of JonBenét Ramsey with a suspect in her murder, John Mark Karr. When Blitzer asked, "When did the talk of JonBenet Ramsey begin?" Janks answered: "It started around September of 2001, when he told me that he knew more about the JonBenet Ramsey case than what anybody else had known - and that he was instructed to kill JonBenet by Howard Stern." [3]
- Janks has made many calls to local Philadelphia TV stations. For instance, he called WPVI and was put on the air with anchor Mark Howard to advise him of a traffic problem on the Blue Route (I-476). He stated there were traffic jams because a truckload of Howard Stern's book Miss America was all over the highway. He also called WCAU's Homework Helpline posing as a young man who asked "What's the square root of Howard Stern's asshole?"
- Janks called into MSNBC during its coverage of the car crash that resulted in the death of Princess Diana, and posing as the bureau chief of Newsweek magazine, told Brian Williams that Diana had ordered the driver to drive faster so that she could get to a video store to rent a copy of Private Parts before the store closed.
- When The Howard Stern Show was in Las Vegas, Janks called into local stations to claim that Artie Lange, a Stern Show cast member, had died.
- Janks called into The Home and Family Show posing as Chuck Woolery stating that "Rick Dees blows and Howard Stern rules" (Dees was a guest on the show).
- Janks has victimized the Mother Angelica Live show several times, asking her if she would "spread for Baba Booey" and if she would "pray for Baba Booey's fat ass."
- In perhaps his most famous call, Janks got on the air with the CP Telethon in the mid-90's claiming to be Kathie Lee Gifford. After first stating she (Janks) wanted to make a $500 donation, then a $500,000 donation, Kathie (Janks) claimed she had a "confession" to make: that she wanted to make "hot monkey love to Howard Stern." Dennis James, one of the on-air hosts, suffered a near meltdown, carrying on for several minutes about the call (despite the efforts of Florence Henderson to get James to drop the subject) and stating that Janks had already "made love to the devil."
- Janks also managed to get on the air with Jerry Lewis during Lewis' 1991 Labor Day MDA Telethon, claiming to be Larry King. Immediately upon being put on the air, Janks stated "what do you think of Howard Stern, the radio personality? How do you like them apples?" Lewis replied "I don't think we got Larry King, no. I think it was a phony."
- Janks also repeatedly called into Larry King Live on CNN with the objective of stating Stern's name on the air. In one sequence when Donny Osmond was the guest, two callers immediately before Janks mentioned Howard Stern before Janks finally got on the air. Janks simply exclaimed "Howard Stern!" leading King to state "there's a bunch of sickies out there tonight having fun with us." Janks also managed to get on the air with King and ask him "why can't you stay married?" to which King could only respond "I don't know."
A transcript of a pranked newscast from July 30, 2002 follows.
- Gregg Jarrett: (NBC chimes) We continue to follow the breaking news in Kensington, Maryland, ten miles roughly outside Washington, DC; just north. And joining us now on the telephone to talk a bit more about this Amtrak passenger train derailment, Lieutenant George Hyack, of the Kensington Police Department. Uh, Lieutenant, what can you tell us about any injuries or fatalities?
- Janks: Well, of the six people who were injured, two were, uh, passed away about 15 minutes ago. They were teabagged by Howard Stern.
- Gregg Jarrett: Can you tell us the nature of their injuries?
- Janks: Yes, they were teabagged by Howard Stern, meaning balls on their chin.
- Gregg Jarrett: I see. What can you tell us about the others who have been injured?
- Janks: I can tell you that they all had Howard Stern's balls on their chin.
- Gregg Jarrett: I'm getting reports that there are 60 people, up to 60 people injured, and that are being treated at area hospitals, or are on their way to area hospitals.
- Janks: (sounding frustrated) Are you stupid or something?
- Gregg Jarrett: Pardon me? ...All right, Lieutenant George Hyack, we seem to have lost him, of the Kensington Police Department.
[edit] Websites
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