User:Re-evolution/Jokes
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Here's some jokes I made up. Don't copy these jokes without asking first. Check back here for new ones. I will add more frequently!
Contents |
[edit] Grandma
A little boy asked his father:"What's the wrinkly thing on grandma?"
The father answered:"Grandpa."
[edit] Drunk Driver
A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over and asks, “Where have you been?” “I've been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you've had quite a few.”
“I did alright,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.”
[edit] Long Time Drinker
A skeleton walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "What'll you have?" The skeleton says, "A beer and a mop."
[edit] Football Fans vs. Nuns
There were these three guys at a football game and it just so happened that they were sitting behind three nuns. They couldn't see really well over their habits, so one of the guys says, "Man, I wish I lived in Ohio, there are only 25 Catholics there." One of the other guys says, "Well, I wish I lived in Idaho because there are only 20 Catholics there."
Then the last guy says, "Well, I wish I lived in Oregon there are only 15 Catholics there."
Then one of the nuns turns around and says, "Why don't you go to hell - there are no Catholics there!"
[edit] Ghost Arrest
Q:Why was the ghost arrested?
A:Because it had no haunting license!!'
[edit] Chillin' Biddies
One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, and the third one's arm was too short to reach.
[edit] Shoplifting
A man walks into a music store and wants to buy a good, old-fashioned vinyl record. He gets the record and is ready to check out when he discovers that he forgot his wallet. Instead of going out and getting his wallet, he decides to steal the record. So he sticks it down his pants. Of course, the cashier spots him on the way out and says, "Hey! Is that a record in your pants?"
The man replies, "Well, it may not be a record but I haven't heard any complaints." Anywhere Is Good
[edit] Dating homeless?
Whats the best thing about dating homeless girls?
You can drop them off anywhere.
[edit] No arms, no chance
A women without arms or legs is sitting on a beach weeping. A guy walks by and asks her what's wrong. She says, "I've never been kissed before." The man feels sorry for her and gives her a long passionate kiss and starts to walk away. As he's walking he hears her start crying again so he goes back and asks her what's wrong now. She says, "I've never had sex before."
The man sweeps her up in his arms, looks into her eyes, and tosses her into the water yelling, "You're screwed now!!"
[edit] Stuck with Cannibals
There are three men stuck on a island.
The cannibal says go find some fruit in the forest or I'll eat you. The first man comes out of the forest with three bananas. The cannibal says: "Stuff them up your butt with no expression." The first man stuffs the first banana up his butt. With no expression. The second one. And on the third he screamed out loud.
The second came with ten berries. He had to do the same thing. But on the tenth he laughed out loud. The cannibal said:"Why'd you laugh?"
The man said: "I saw the third man coming with PINEAPPLES!!
