Talk:Lloyd Monserratt
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This article was nominated for deletion on 26 July 2006. The result of the discussion was no consensus/keep. |
Contents |
[edit] Good Article
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Lloyd Monserratt was a good article nominee, but did not meet the good article criteria at the time. There are suggestions below for improving the article. Once these are addressed, the article can be renominated. Editors may also seek a reassessment of the decision if they believe there was a mistake. Reviewed version: November 4, 2006 |
Should really check to see whether this article meets B standards first. Good luck trying to improve this article to eventually achieve GA. Cydperez 21:55, 29 October 2006 (UTC)
- Thanks. --evrik 22:45, 1 November 2006 (UTC)
- This article is not yet at the GA level. First of all the reference links for the first two references dont really hyperlink to anything useful. The first one is an entirely non-working link and the second is a link to "today's" LA Times. There are serious gaps and omissions. For example, there is no discussion about the circumstances of his death. The omission of discussion of his obesity is both a serious gap and also a NPOV transgression. As Cydperex points out, there is only one image, apparently from his younger days. Since his appearance changed so much later in his life, another image is almost mandatory. Finally regarding wikification (which should be well done in a GA), i counted four major oversights in unwikified terms in the first third of the article, which links would have been high context wiki-links; i gave up counting at that point. Cdcdoc 15:19, 1 November 2006 (UTC)
- well, aside from the snarky tone, I appreciate the criticisms.
- About the references ... the articles are no longer available online, unless you have lexus nexis, but the dates and other pertinent information is all correct.
- The Gastric_bypass_surgery#Mortality was in an edition a long time ago, I must have missed it getting edited out.
- Photos ... getting PD images has been difficult. The photo posted was taken five years before his death, so I don't know what to say about "his appearance changed so much later in his life" Would you say the same about the article for Howard Hughes? ;-)
- Wikification ... I'll work on that.
--evrik 22:45, 1 November 2006 (UTC)
- I have tried to integrate as mnay of the comments as possible. I have done a fair amount of wikification, I even used ex post facto! evrik
[edit] Comments
Suggestions for cleaning up this page? evrik 16:23, 9 September 2005
[edit] Villaraigosa
In 2001 Monserratt was involved in a controversial telephone campaign against mayoral candidate Antonio Villaraigosa wherein a woman impersonated Gloria Molina. District Attorney Steve Cooley investigated the incident and concluded that no laws were broken.
In 2001, Monserratt was involved in a controversial telephone campaign against mayoral candidate Antonio Villaraigosa wherein an individual impersonated Gloria Molina. After looking into the incident District Attorney Steve Cooley, though critical of the campaign tactic, concluded that no laws had been broken.
I removed these unsourced lines. Monserratt was nver charged with any crime and was exonerated of any wrong-doing. A more NPOV insertion with sources may be appropriate, but not this one. --evrik 01:57, 25 July 2006 (UTC)
This text was attributed to this article
As reported in LA Weekly (5/30/2001), Monserratt admitted to District Attorney Steve Cooley his involvement in a controversial telephone campaign wherein someone impersonating Gloria Molina disparaged the voting record of mayoral candidate Antonio Villaraigosa. Though critical of the tactic, Cooley concluded that no laws had been broken.
How about a more neutral paragraph. --evrik 19:36, 26 July 2006 (UTC)
- Don't see how you can get much more neutral than that without going POV.--SarekOfVulcan 19:40, 26 July 2006 (UTC)
How about this:
Monserratt was involved in local Los Angeles politics. In 2001, while on leave from Pacheco’s office to run the campaign of Ed Reyes for 1st District seat of the city council, Monserratt was involved in a small campaign scandal. Monserratt ran the phone-bank computers contracted to the mayoral campaign of Xavier Becerra. The campaign ran a tape of someone impersonating Gloria Molina disparaging the voting record of mayoral candidate Antonio Villaraigosa. Though no laws had been broken, this action tarnished the reputations of all involved.The New Alignment - LA Weekly News 5/30/2001
--evrik 20:14, 26 July 2006 (UTC)
[edit] Status of this article
This article is POV and OR and barely makes the grade as a Start Class article. Please do not alter ratings without detailed analysis and justification. Without supplying sources to many flamboyant statements the page is certainly a candidate for afD. Anlace 14:42, 25 October 2006 (UTC)
- I'll leave my comments on your page. --evrik 16:18, 25 October 2006 (UTC)
[edit] Failed GA nomination
- Another picture or two, if available would help the article. (optional)
- Image caption is vague. Please expand it.
- The second lead paragraph is definitely on the short side. As per WP:LEAD, having three lead paragraphs in an article this short is not recommended. I'd suggest that the first two be combined and the short sentences (like He was an Eagle Scout.) be combined with some good prose.
- Shouldn't there be an 'of' somewhere in here?
- Paragraph 3: 'He trained a number future Latino...'
- The 'Early political activism' section is far too short. This is a {{section-stub}}. Consider expanding this section substantially, as removing it entirely will greatly reduce its quality.
- Missing comma: "At age 9 his father brought..."
- 'Student leadership at UCLA' section: consider two smaller subcategories or combining some short paragraphs.
- Remove italics and relink: "Third World Coalition"
- Missing article: "...put forth by members of Greek system..."
- Unneeded comma: "...over his academic qualifications, and denied office."
- Capitalization of an unproper noun: "...candidates for President, certifying..."
- Unclear: "...Election Board, apply their own..."
- Rephrase: "After USAC ex post facto declared Monserratt ineligible..."
- Bracket, not parenthesis: "(from the University of California)"
- Replace 'the' with 'that': "...said the UCLA's administration was partly responsible..."
- 'Community action' section: Expand with more commentary. Section already contains plenty of quotations.
- Include full team names: "...cheer on the Bruins or the Dodgers...."
- Alphabetize 'See Also' section
- 'Notes' section should be renamed 'References'.
- Consider a two-column layout for the references section. (optional)
- Consider using the infomation in 'External links' and cite as sources. (optional)
- It is reasonably well written.
- a (prose):
b (MoS):
- a (prose):
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (references):
b (citations to reliable sources): 
c (OR):
- a (references):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a (major aspects): b (focused):
- a (major aspects):
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- a (fair representation): b (all significant views):
- a (fair representation):
- It is stable.
- It contains images, where possible, to illustrate the topic.
- a (tagged and captioned): b lack of images (does not in itself exclude GA): c (non-free images have fair use rationales): [[Image:|15px]]
- a (tagged and captioned):
- Overall:
- a Pass/Fail: [[Image:|15px]]
This article will require major revision and expansion before qualifying for GA status. Best of luck and feel free to contact me if you have any questions. thadius856talk 07:52, 4 November 2006 (UTC)
