User:Fork me

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en This user is a native speaker of English. de-1 Dieser Benutzer hat grundlegende Deutschkenntnisse. fr-1 Cet utilisateur peut contribuer avec un niveau élémentaire de français. en-gb-5 This user believes that British English is the only real English, and is likely to respond to any use of American English with “how crude!”. This user enjoys his/her egg with the sunny side up. This user has an academic degree. This user is a child at heart. They may have grown older but they'll never grow up. C2H5OH-3 This user utilizes alcohol at an advanced level. This user drinks wine only when there's no more beer.
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Hi, I'm a science teacher from England. I was born in Brighton in 1968 and educated at the University of Sunderland, University of Westminster and University of Brighton.

This username started out as a troll name for use on bulletin boards and Usenet but ended up becoming my normal posting name.

Interests include Science, Brighton & Hove Albion Football Club, local history, a huge variety of musical tastes and the generally wierd and wonderful.

Past jobs have included (but not been limited to!): Barman, lifeguard, DJ, band promoter, labourer, Medical Laboratory Science Officer and McDonalds worker. I'm proud to say I was sacked from the latter aged 17.

Contents 1 Articles I've created 2 Articles I've substantially re-written (or "un-stubbed") 3 Articles I've added to 4 Vandalism

[edit] Articles I've created

David Devant (A stub, I would love it if someone expanded this!)

Martha Gunn

Peter Ward (English footballer)

Suburban Studs

[edit] Articles I've substantially re-written (or "un-stubbed")

Mevagissey

Mighty Terror

Whitehawk

[edit] Articles I've added to

0 (number) - Added theoretical element number 0, neutronium.

Arsole - Well, why not?

B (disambiguation) - Added B (musical note).

Barfly (club) - Added Brighton venue.

Brighton & Hove Albion F.C. - Added all sorts of bits, most noticably the various anti-Palace chants.

Bollocks - Added a beer and a cocktail to the section on Dogs Bollocks.

Camera obscura - Added details of newly renovated obscura on Eastbourne Pier.

Class War - Added details of the 1986 7" EP.

Frank Farian - Added details of work on 1986 Meat Loaf album.

Jake Robinson - Added his hatrick on 28th October, 2006.

List of cocktails - Added Dogs Bollocks and Black Velvet.

Life of Brian - Added lost scenes and cast list.

List of fictional countries - added Balnibarbi, Blefuscu, Brobdingnag, Glubbdubdrib, Land of the Houyhnhnms, Lilliput and Luggnagg.

Little Bo Peep - Added possible Sussex origin.

Michael Aspel - Added brilliant spoof documentary, Sex, Lies and Michael Aspel.

Micronation - Added details on the fraudulent "The United Kingdom of Atlantis".

Stiff Records - added earlier slogans.

Stoney & Meatloaf - Added details of UK re-releases.

Wacky Races - added info on life sizeworking replicas at Goodwood.

[edit] Vandalism

I don't actively seek it out but I do remove it when I see it......

.....except on the very rare occasions where it's actually funny rather than just pathetic.

My favourite piece of vandalism so far is this gem added to the Whitehawk article on 27th May 2007:

During early 2007 a major earthquake measuring 4.8 on the Richter scale hit Sussex with its epicentre in Whitehawk.Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering."Faaaackinell" The earthquake decimated the area,causing approximately 30 pounds worth of damage.Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair.Three areas of historic burned out cars were disturbed.Many locals were woken before their giro's arrived.Southern FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered with the fact that something interesting had happened in Whitehawk. One resident.Tracey sharon Smith.A fifteen year old mother of five said. "It was such a shock.Little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying.My youngest two,Tyler-Morgan and Victoria Storm slept right through it.I was skinning up and watching Trisha in the Morning" Apparantly looting,muggings and car crime continued unaffected. The British Red Cross has shipped in 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to help stricken locals.Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of Bone China from the Pound Shop and other belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to have been caught up in this disaster.Clothing is most sought after-items most needed include.

Fila or Burberry Caps. Kappa tracksuits(His and hers). Shell suits(Female) White sports socks. Rockport boots. Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels are also needed.Required foodstuffs include. Microwave meals. Tins of baked beans. Ice Cream. Cans of White Lightening or Special Brew.

22p buys a pen to fill in the compensation forms. Two pounds buys chips and blue fizzy drinks for a family of nine. Five pounds buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

Breaking News.

Rescue workers found a girl aged about twelve in the rubble,smothered in raspberry alcopop. "Where are you bleeding from?" they asked her. "The Hawk" she replied."What the f***s it got to do wiv you?"