Wikipedia:Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Helpdesk Emails
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This page contains material which is kept because it is considered humorous. It is not intended, nor should it be used, for any remotely serious purpose. |
Wikipedia maintains a mailing list for general queries that is open to public posting. It is called [Helpdesk-I], located at HelpDesk-l@Wikimedia.org, and we get letters. By God, we get letters. There are, of course, the normal Nigerians who want to help us get rich, and the link exchange spam we get is a blessing unto itself. But here, we enshrine those who just don't seem to get it.
Names and addresses have been omitted to protect the clueless, and messages appear here in an unaltered form.
[edit] Subject: 2022 Presidential General Elections
Hi. I'm name with the Area Board State Council on deveopmental disabilities Area Board 4 of Northern CA. I attended city council meetings in my area and volunteered at the State Senator's office.I also worked in local voting poll for the CA Recall and took a college class in Political Science in 2003. Franklin Roosevelt was the only disabled president if I don't run for president their will not be another candidate for 72 years after Franklin Roosevelt . I would like to accept my republican party's nomination for president of the uinted states in 2022. I'm 23 now I will be 40 in 2022.&n bsp; After my term of office of the area board is December 31, 2008 I will continue my public service in my area in Napa after working a job at Taco Bell.
I'll be sure to look for your name on the ballot.
[edit] Subject: War is starting ! ! !
Dear Sirs,
You have to consider seriously this message if you want to save your freedom. I met by accident a new system used by the secret services to control people’s opinion and to reduce them like a vegetable on two legs. The enemy is already inside our countries and in this case the first target is the media system but it’s not the only one !
They use different kind of tools like sublimal messages, drugs like LSD for example, high-tech electronic systems based on a talkie-walkie system where they can talk with you by telepathy until a total insanity by torture, of course they can play on the volume and the frequencies that’s the reason why someone can hear them and not the others (for this aim they have a lot of experts in mental manipulation like doctors in psychatry). The effect of the attack start by a problem with your faculty to be well oriented by yourself with the peak of the attack you have a sensation to have a screw driver in your head and a high degree of pain, the schale of pain can be modified to 0 to 100 percent. Of course, they play all the time on the empty spaces of laws and the borders of the mental illnesses. Nowadays, it’s easy to use satellites system with GPS and high frequencies ray microwaves, antenna, modified car with a special CB, modified helmet if they are on a motorbike, microphone , microcamera, microchips implants but it’s already obsolete and mobile phone for example because it’s up to date and more conventional, they use a gang of agents, up to 215, (for example, they use bus driver, taxi driver, children, old persons, etc…), for spying you night and day by opening your mail and make an unauthorized listening-post and wash your brain. They can also follow you in the street etc… If you have already seen the movie " State Enemy " with Will Smith, their possibilities are under the truth than in reality.
Most of the time, the secret services do their job without a real control from the goverment and they are in the long term a state within the state without any democratic command on what they are doing in the daily people’s life. In this kind of system you don’t have rights, personal life and the capacity to change your life for a better one because the secret services can destroy what you want to do if they decide to do it.
Another dangerous aspect with this system, they can manipulate the masses. They can influence a vote from a person who traditionally votes for the conservative party to a labour party vote, or the opposite, or push people to the extremism . They can create social problems like strikes in any kind of company. They can push you to kill somebody, they can push you to commit suicide, they can organise a rape, they can push you to make a wrong financial decision, they can spy your ideas, etc….So, " Big Brother " seems to be a tourist if you compare them to him. I met this system in different countries like : Switzerland, France, Austria, Italy, Spain, Germany, United Kingdom, Iceland, Belgium and Tunisia. I estimate more or less that they can command 5 to 20% of the population in each country. Of course, it depends on the educational level in the country and if people in the target are clever or not and other parameters like a free mass media system for example.This rate is inc reasing because it’s their policy day after day. Most of the time people don’t realise that they are under their influence because you have no evident evidences and people think to talk with themselves like a schizophrenic ! ! ! That’s the reason why it’s so perverse and efficient because they don’t realise that they are under control like a robot.This people attitude is a benediction for the secret services for hiding what they are doing in our daily life and they can preserve the appearance of the democracy.
This system started during the cold war against the Soviet Union by a CIA project which is called artichokke (The Physic Nobel Price Brian Josephson had complained because he couldn’t realise experimentation about telepathy, now we know why ! ! !). Nowadays, this system is used by CIA of course, DST & DGSE (in France), P26 & P27 (in Switzerland), MI5 & MI6 (in United Kingdom), BND (in Germany), MOSSAD (in Israël) etc…
I hope that you could copy this message and forward this information to people because the first step for fighting this system and the secret services aim (reducing democracy like a dictatorship system with only the appearance of a democratic world) is to know that it exists and it’s the beginning to destroy this system like the Berlin wall. I don’t need a doctor Aseum or a political superintendent and you ?
The communist system is not dead, you have to decide if you can die another day !
If you imagine the worste, it’s worse what you can imagine. The world system that you already know is completly collapsed by this one. The political system, the economical system, the financial system, etc… are already dead ! They can neutralise at any time all the systems and substitute their choices and establish their policy and friends in power.
name
P.S. : No rules are respected but they aren’t enough cunning (I have names) !
You have to consider that after the cold war the secret services budget collapsed. So, if they need a budget they have to create false cases and problems. Maybe, it’s the reason why a tourist with none budget and his hands in his pockets can win against them ! (You have to shoot the monkeys and clean this kind of agencies if you don’t want another world war in the end, because with the high-technologies everything go fast and it’s easy to make a big mistake) ! Finally, you have to notice that you have more monkeys in Geneva and in Swiss army than citizens !
They can sale anything if you offer the price (including a war).
Might I point you towards our crackpots page?
[edit] Untitled
hi how are u? i hope u are fine as iam. please i need u to send me a free laptop computer. if u send it to me god will bless u and ur family. goodbye and take care.
Ask Oprah...
[edit] Requesting pamplet with information
I would like to know if you have any pamplets with information of the following creatures:
hippogriffs
gryphons
dragons
unicorns
flying unicorns
winged horses
phoenixes
centaurs
etc.
Of their existence, population, sightings, well being, protection, what I can do to help, their mating and etc. habits, their offspring, and where to find them/how to make friends with them.
Thank you very much,
name
Mating habits, eh?
[edit] Defence Business
Dear Sirs, We "(name removed)" is a defence enlisted supplier since 1990 with some reputation. We are interested to introduce your product in our Defence Dept. Please send your Product list, Catalogues and other related Documents to us by mail for our ready reference. Presently, we have some requirements as below. This requirements for our Navay. If you are interested/able to give us offer, please inform us by return e-mail. If you are not, please help us to locket this type of Maker/Supplier. Sorry for the request. Waiting for your information on above. Best Regards (name removed) Managing Director. Requirements of Bangladesh Navy for the year 2005 - 2006 ====================================================== A) For the Department of Naval Operation : ================================== 01) Navigation Radar. Qty.: 09 Complete Sets. 02) Inflatable Boat with Out Board Engine. Qty.: 02 Nos. 03) Marine Binocular (Military Standard). Qty.: 03 Nos. 04) Portable H P Air Compressor. Qty.: 02 Nos. 05) Under Water Breathing Apparatus (Diving Set). Qty.: 09 Sets. 06) Night Vision Binocular. Qty.: 02 Nos. B) For the Department of Naval Signal : =============================== 07) HF TX/RX 1 KW. Qty.: 02 Nos 08) HF TX/RX 400 W. Qty.: 03 Nos 09) V/UHF TX/RX. Qty.: 02 Nos. C) For the Department of Naval Engineering : ==================================== 10) Out Board Engine - H P 60. Qty.: 02 Nos. 11) Compressor for A C Plant (Capacity : 16.5 tone). Qty.: 01 No. 12) H P Air Compressor (Presser - 30 Bar). Qty.: 02 No 13) Portable Air Compressor (Presser - 20 Bar). Qty.: 01 No. 14) L P Air Compressor (Presser - 145 PSI, Free Air 250 L/M). Qty.: 01 No 15) Portable L P Air Compressor (Presser : 8 - 12 Bar). Qty.: 03 Nos. 16) Hull and Fire Pump (Forward). Qty.: 03 Nos 17) Fire and Balsa Pump (Capacity-80 Ton/H). Qty.: 03 No 18) Fresh Water Pump (Capacity - 4 CU/M/H). Qty.: 02 Nos 19) Fresh Water Pump for M/E (Port-1, Stbd-1). Qty.: 02 Nos 20) Sea Water Pump for M/E (Port-1, Stbd-1). Qty.: 02 Nos 21) Sub-Mersible Pump. Qty.: (40 Tone - 02, 20 Tone - 04, 10 Tone - 06). 22) Portable Diesel Driven Fire Pump. Qty.: (80 Tone-01, 30 Tone-03, 20 Tone-02) 23) Mobile Hydraulic Crane (Capacity - 20 Tone). Qty.: 01 No. 24) Tilting Melting Furnace with Temperature Gauge (Capacity-200 Kg).Qty.: 01. 25) ELSA (Pressure : 210 Bar) . Qty.: 12 Nos. 26) CCL4 (65 Kg) with Bottle. Qty.: 01 No 27) Thermal Imaging Camera (For DW 2000 H Frigate). Qty.: 02 Nos. 28) Breathing Air Compressor (Capacity-300 Bar). Qty.: 05 Nos. D) For the Department of Naval Electrical Engineering : ============================================ 29) A C Generator (Capacity : 500 K W). Qty.: 02 Complete Sets. 30) A C Generator (Capacity : 125 K W). Qty.: 02 Complete Sets. 31) Intercom System (20 Line Command Talk Back System). Qty.: 03 Sets. 32) Gyro Compass. Qty.: 02 Sets. E) For the Department of Naval Arms and Ammunition : ============================================= 33) a) Carts 4.5" (Separate) for 4.5" Ammunition. Qty.: 1000 Nos b) Shell 4.5" HEUC Plugged (Separate) for 4.5" Ammunition. Qty.: 400 Nos. c) Shell 4.5" Star (Separate) Fitted with Plug. Qty.: 200 Nos. d) Shell 4.5" SUP (Separate) fitted with PRF. Qty.: 200 Nos. e) Shell 4.5" Practice AAUC/AA(P) HES(Separate)Fitted with Plug. Qty.:200 No f) Fuse VT for 4.5" Ammunition. Qty.: 400 Nos. g) Primer Electric N-17 for 4.5" Ammunition. Qty.: 500 Nos. 34) a) Carts QF 40/60 mm PFHE with Proximity Fuse. Qty.: 5000 Nos. b) Carts QF 40/60 mm BU Shot. Qty.: 500 Nos. 35) Carts SA 7.62 X 25mm Ball for Pistol. Qty.: 100000 Nos. 36) Grenade Hand HE (For all Ships/Establishments). Qty.: 1000 Nos. 37) LDC with fuse, Impulse Cartridge and Loading Tray. Qty.: 100 Nos. 38) Rocket Depth Charge with Fuse. Qty.: 100 Nos. 39) Night Vision Binocular (For UN Peace Keeping Mission). Qty.: 10 Nos. F) For the Department of Naval Technical Stores : ======================================== 40) Electric Driven HP Breathing Air Compressor. Qty.: 01 No. 41) DGPS Receiver. Qty.: 01 No. 42) Digital Anemometer. Qty.: 01 No. 43) a) A C Unit (Capacity : 18000 BTU). Qty.: 15 Nos b) A C Unit (Capacity : 24000 BTU). Qty.: 10 Nos c) A C Unit (Capacity : 48000 BTU). Qty.: 03 Nos 44) Tower Crane (Lifting Capacity : 3 Tone). Qty.: 01 No. 45) Hull and Fire Pump (Electric Driven Centrifugal Type). Qty.: 03 Nos. F) For the Department of Naval Electrical : =================================== 46) Diesel Generator (AC) and Switch Board (with related Accessories) Capacity : 1) 4 X 100 KVA Generator and Switch Board. 2) 8 X 50 KVA Generator and Switch Board. 3) 4 X 100 KVA Rectifier. 4) 8 X 50 KVA Rectifier. 5) 8 X 16 KVA Rectifier. 6) Cables of Various Ratings. 47) Diesel Generator (AC) and Switch Board with related accessories. Qty.: 02 Nos 48) Diesel Generator and Switch Board with related accessories. Qty.: 02 Nos 49) Dummy Load (600 KW Resistive and 400 KVA Inductive) for BN Dockyard. 50) Multi Operated ARC Welding Rectifier (With Current Regulator) (07+49) ============================================================== Note : We have many other requirements from our ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE and COAST GUARD. So, please inform us about your product area. Best Regards.
[edit] Dear Mr. Tom Daschle
Dear Mr. Tom Daschle: 12-14-05
My name is name, a friend of Gerry Lange, and a 1979 graduate of Madison High School. I went to Hollywood, California in 1980. The reason I am contacting you and yours is that I noticed in the paper that you are thinking about the Presidency. If you are, maybe I can help in some ways because, I have spent several years in Washington DC and know some things and some people. Please contact me so that we might schedule a lunch and a chat, or we can do this just over the Internet.
Sincerely,
name
[edit] Dear Dharma Friends
THE LORD BUDDHA SAYS :THOSE WISE MEDITATORS,POSSESSED OF PERSEVERANCE AND COURAGE, WILL EXPERIENCE OF NIBBANA, THE UNIQUE STATE OF PEACE FROM BONDAGE. DHAMMAPADA.
Dear Dharma Friends,
With great respect. We are Two following bangladeshi Buddhist Monks writing from university name University of Sri Lanka and we study to the degree program(english medium) at CU. you know,Bangladesh in a muslime country so there is no facilities to study about Buddhism for this reason we have to study in Sri lanka. We practice hereTheravada Buddha teaching. Every year our High Priest sends us to various Dharma Centre around the Global to practice, study and to visit various Buddhist Cultures and programs. In this year we have decided to spend few days in your centre with you in your country. R ecently we have visited your website and we have been delighted to see it is very beautiful for this reason our High Priest deeply interested to send us as well as we are keenly enthusiasm to participate in your centre to practice your won Buddha teaching. If we would to pend few days then we need your co-operation of accommodation only and our High priest is fully ably to pay our flight fares. If you assist us we then we could visit your centre and stay few days in the noted Buddhist centre with dharma brother.
We expect that you would never refuse our request. we are looking forward to your kind response in the matte. We wrote you with great desire you will write us with freely, don't be hesitated to write us.
May all being be happy and free from sufferings.
May Lord Buddha Bless You.
Yours In dharma
Rev. name
Colombo, Sri lanka
[edit] I wish I knew
hi i just want to know where do you get the invisiveblty and teleporter pin please write me back at <>
[edit] Help with bargirl incident
Hi there. Just wanted to have an expert opinion regarding my experience. I got a bargirl and didn’t know her sexual history. We decided no penetration would occur. We just kissed (for about 45 minutes). Afterwards, she told me to place my finger insider her so she could cum. I really don’t have any idea if she climaxed or not. The twist here is that I realized I had a cut on my upper lip, as well as a wound on the finger I used.
With this story, I have a few questions:
- What are my risks regarding STDs and HIV?
- Is it true that saliva only have traces of virus (of all types) and that it will not be in a position to infect me?
- How about my open wound? Can I get infected with vaginal fluids and possibly semen (if she came)?
I hope you could satisfy my inquiries. Til then.
[edit] charging
Will you charge us? (unsigned by 121.7.193.35)
[edit] Mars dark chocolate bar
I have coupons for .50 cents off of your new 4 pack bars. I cannot find them NOWHERE. Where can I find them soon my coupon will be no good good till Dec31 07
[edit] Do you offer working while studying in National University?
Dear Sir/Madam:
I am a Filipina and a bachelor's degree holder and have more than eight(8) years of working in a business office. But because I really wanted to become a nurse, I want to ask from you if do you offer working while studying in National University. Please reply me with my email add: <removed> or mobile number <removed>.
I choose National University because I have researched of being excellent in Asia and aside from that, Singapore is very clean country and the people around are very warm, it is also near in Philippines.
I would appreciate your kindness and care. Have a nice day and Thank you.
Very truly yours,
<name redacted> <address redacted>
