User:Dick Real

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Dick Real was born on July 2, 1970, in Melbourne, Australia, the son of a blacksmith and her husband, Ron. He knows a bit about a few things but not a great deal about most things. He's spent time blowing his own trumpet, only to become unstuck when the bell rang. He once balanced 16 peas on a fork and caught four beans in a beret only to find the hat was already home to a squad of Nazi shrews with tattoos on their fingers. He stumbled across a gang of angry molluscs outside Target in August '97 but considered it a figment of his hermetically sealed imagination. The molluscs, incidentally, were protesting about the outrageous price of crockery. Taking poor advice is Dick's main strength, and wisdom only comes to him by accident, usually on the bus from the village of Blip. Reconsidering Christmas is Dick's favourite pastime, and he only drinks water when it's been hailing. He once dated a girl two sizes too tall but fell in love with a steel bucket called Percy. Germanic languages elude him and cartwheels are his preferred mode of travel. Please feel free to drop Dick a line, or preferably a wheelbarrow full of pastys. He can usually be found eating a casserole on the fourth day of every ninth month under the elm tree on the corner of White and Ripple. He likes long stalks along a sandy creek in June and sews with vehemence. Philosophy: Question, provoke, upset, antogonise.