Alex Mizenko

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Alexander Beastiallity Mizenko was born on September 10, (year unknown) in a Muslim Convent somewhere in Asia. Alex's father, Bilbo Baggins Mizenko, was famous throughout the town for his mystical adventures and the mysterious ring he carried around. Alex's mother, Bridget Clinton Mizenko, worked at a gentleman's club under the alias "Bridget the Midget." Together the couple lived happily in a middle class community, in a lovely house in a shoe. Alex worked odd jobs as a youngster. His first employment was in a local shoe store, where Alex was a shoe cobler, but was fired for tickling customers. His next job was in a candy store about an hour away, "Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory." Alex was employed as an Oompa Loompa, where he tested various types of candy. Unfortunatley, little Mizenko was asked to leave, on account of his skinny dipping in the chocolate river. Alex's final job was a spokesperson for a new drink, called Hawaiian Punch, its mascot being a short man in a rediculous red sombrero. But after two short months of fame, he was replaced by a much happier albino boy names Bilo. Alex was feeling unlucky and heartbroken, after he had been fired from every job he applied to. He spent his days hanging around the local candy store, drowning his sorrows in a bowl of Lucky Charms. Alex's luck turned around when he was asked to join a group of warriors, known as the Fellowship of the Ring. Little is known of Alex's quest after this, other than the destruction of his father's ring and the sexual relationship he began with Gimilie, the dwarf. Alex was fully compensated for his adventures by being offered an internship with the Bill Clinton political campaign of 1992. Alex grew a strong bond with Bill, as they traveled the country, carousing fat women and getting high on Fun Dip. Little do people know it was actually Mr. Mizenko that set Hillary and Bill up on their first date, and convinced them to marry. Luckily, this did not stop Bill and Alex's wild candy-induced escapades throughout the major cities of the country. When Bill was elected, there were no open positions for Alex, so the two remained close friends. But with a new vote of confidence, Alex took off to fufil all the things in life he wanted to do. In two short years, Alex ran with the bulls, ate a dog, invented mittens for pivate parts, broke the Guinness Book of Records for smiling the longest, and burried thousands of acorns in his backyard, bringing in a swarm of squirrels that he believed could take over the Bush estate in Texas. But Alex's dream of Bush-domination was never completed, because Alex's mom became temporarily ill, so he had to fill in under the alias "Meat and Potatoes." Currently, Alex lives in Beachwood, somewhere in a tree at Mayo Park. His love life is errupting, as his passion between Nate Barret and Kyle Tomalin burns strong. Alex is currently deeply depressed due to Democratic victory of Barack Obama. Alex has not been seen for three days and is believed to be naked in a fox hole, living off of everlasting gob stoppers and appletinis.